Friday, February 26, 2010

End of Week 4

Today marks the end of my 4th week of training. It has been a crazy journey thus far, and it still seems a little sureal to me. I can see changes in my body: muscular definition, strength and endurance. I can feel changes in my body: less pain in my back and knees. I can see changes in my clothes: I'm down a size in shirts and my current pair of jeans are so big they make me nervous sometimes. :D

Last night at TaeKwondo (which I've been training in for about a year and half), we did an endurance drill. On a focus (or hand) pad that our partner was holding, we did 50 fast punches, 10 push-ups, 40 fast punches, 10 push-ups, 30 fast punches, 10 push-ups, 20 fast punches and 10 push-ups for a grand total of 140 fast punches and 40 push-ups. 50...not hard, barely breathing heavy, arms aren't tired. 40...a little harder, but still not bad. 30...arms are burning, breathing is heavy. Last 20...HORRIBLE, arms are like jell-o, breathing is very labored. This was the general progression of the class. HOWEVER, because I have an AMAZING trainer, who "torchers" me every morning between 7 and 8am...this exercise was challenging, but not death. My punches were fast and accurate, and my push-ups were not modified (meaning that I did them on my toes, not my knees)...all 40 of them.

Driving home from class, I smiled at myself in the rear view mirror because I saw a glimpse of who I could become if I keep up the training. Have I arrived? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I'm not even close...but I'm closer! It is kind of like the movie National glimpse, one clue leads to another and another, until finally the treasure is found. For me, each choice, each victory, each lesson learned...leads to another and another, until one day I reach the treasure of Heaven. And there...I pray with all my heart - I hear my Father say, "I know you! Well done, good and faithful servant."

Until then...Let us (you AND I) run with perserverance the race marked out for us, and through off EVERYTHING that so easily hinders and holds back.


Thursday, February 25, 2010

Week 4, days 1-3

This week did not have a great start. Our first work out had to be pushed up an hour - meaning that it started at 6am instead of 7am. Because of this, among other things, everything seemed to go wrong. The workout was harder, my body hurt more - and toward the chest was tight and I was having trouble breathing deeply. Yep, you guessed it...another mental breakdown. As I lay on my back, desparately trying to take long, deep breaths; tears trickled down my face. I felt like such an idiot. But my trainer and friend, was so kind, doing her level best to comfort and encourage me. "Mental breakdowns happen to even the best athletes"...and then she shared some of her mental-jello moments. And while it was comforting on a certain level, where I was at that moment - I was still so embarrased, frustrated and angry...with myself.

It was my choices that had landed me right where I was; lying flat on my back, muscles burning, chest heaving and tears pouring down my face. But... was my choice to get up, come to the workout (as aweful as it was), and perservere in some form or fashion...that choice ended the cycle of destruction, and set my feet on a journey to healhty living.

Tuesday - we went jogging. It started off easy, but by the end...i felt like my legs would fall off. :D But I met EVERY goal that my trainer had for me, and even exceded one. It was that one that created the desire to jog again yesterday. I now know, that I can jog for 2 minutes continuously. For some, those seasoned athletes, 2 minutes is nothing. But for me, on that day, it was a golden chalise of triumph.

I know that as the weeks go by, things will continue to get easier. One day I will be able to say..."I'm going for a morning run" and will return 30 minutes later, breathing hard, but otherwise intact. Today is not that day, and that is ok, because who knows - tomorrow may be.

Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, and let us (you and I) throw off EVERYTHING that entangles.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Weeks 1-3

In order to play catch up - I want to give a brief summary of my journey so far. My Journey started 4 weeks ago while having lunch with a long-time friend. She is very gifted in sports and training I decided to put down my defenses, and has for help. and she and i have been working out together, every morning, since.

The first week was tough because it was new and all of the presumptions about what my body could and couldn't do were being challenged and stretched. My mind didn't like it very much - and...well...I have a mental breakdown on my friend's living room floor. In my mind a battle raged between that which I had always known, and the unknown; the pain I had always felt and the possible of feeling no pain. On that day, the battle was lost - but it was a step toward winning the war.

Week 2 was a little better. It was all still new, but I was gaining confidence in what my body was actually capable of. I pushed the narrow limits which I had imposed on myself, and defied the odds. For the first time in my life, I went jogging, public. It was scary for me. I know that when I see a jogger, I always stare (a little). I just knew that there was someone in there car, starring at me, laughing at my attempt to jog with 'heft'. After about the first 5 minutes, I was then consumed by muscular burning, that those fears quickly changed to survival..."Courtney, one foot in front of the other. 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4." This was the only thing my brain could muster. But...after all was run and done, aside from the huffing, puffing and nausea - I felt so strong. In my 30-minute venture outside...I had jogged a total of 1 mile.

Week 3 was better still. There was a tangible difference in how my body was responding both in workouts and outside in the "real world". I was getting stronger and my body was slowly trimming down. Mental images of what I could look like and how i might feel in September - overtook my thoughts. Mean and nasty comments spoken to me over the years vanished with each drop of sweat.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth with a single phrase..."Let it be." In this beginning, God said to me "Come forth and Let it be"...Here I am, Lord.

Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, and let us throw off EVERYTHING that hinders.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Introductions must be made

Well - here I am. The beginning of a lifelong journey. I hope that this will provide some means of release for me the writer, and some comfort and encouragement for you, the reader. Perhaps you and I are in the same boat. We've made decisions and lived our lives that have put ourselves in a place that we never intended. For me, it was bad food choices, choices to not be more active. It always seemed to be a vicious circle - I needed to exercise to lose weight, but it hurt so badly to exercise, and it hurt because I needed to lose weight - and on and on it went.

However, I think there comes a time in the lives of most, where a decision has to made for change. It's not an easy decision, or one that can be made with out being thought through. For me, it happened about a month ago. But details will come soon.

Until then...I hope the thought juices are flowing. I hope that you will be inspired to join me on my journey. Let us Run with perserverance the race marked out for us...and throw off EVERYTHING that entangles.