Thursday, February 25, 2010

Week 4, days 1-3

This week did not have a great start. Our first work out had to be pushed up an hour - meaning that it started at 6am instead of 7am. Because of this, among other things, everything seemed to go wrong. The workout was harder, my body hurt more - and toward the chest was tight and I was having trouble breathing deeply. Yep, you guessed it...another mental breakdown. As I lay on my back, desparately trying to take long, deep breaths; tears trickled down my face. I felt like such an idiot. But my trainer and friend, was so kind, doing her level best to comfort and encourage me. "Mental breakdowns happen to even the best athletes"...and then she shared some of her mental-jello moments. And while it was comforting on a certain level, where I was at that moment - I was still so embarrased, frustrated and angry...with myself.

It was my choices that had landed me right where I was; lying flat on my back, muscles burning, chest heaving and tears pouring down my face. But... was my choice to get up, come to the workout (as aweful as it was), and perservere in some form or fashion...that choice ended the cycle of destruction, and set my feet on a journey to healhty living.

Tuesday - we went jogging. It started off easy, but by the end...i felt like my legs would fall off. :D But I met EVERY goal that my trainer had for me, and even exceded one. It was that one that created the desire to jog again yesterday. I now know, that I can jog for 2 minutes continuously. For some, those seasoned athletes, 2 minutes is nothing. But for me, on that day, it was a golden chalise of triumph.

I know that as the weeks go by, things will continue to get easier. One day I will be able to say..."I'm going for a morning run" and will return 30 minutes later, breathing hard, but otherwise intact. Today is not that day, and that is ok, because who knows - tomorrow may be.

Let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, and let us (you and I) throw off EVERYTHING that entangles.

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