Disappointment

I went to WW this past Saturday to face the scaley monster, and it breathed it's fire on me - showing that I gained weight. However, it was excepted because I paid no mind to what I put in my mouth. I had come to grips with the consequences of my decisions, determining my mind and my heart to do better. After that moment, i'd thought no more about the error until this morning.

I went to my trainer's house to do a morning workout - and because we didn't workout together Monday, and forgot about it yesterday...She took our measurements today. As she began to measure the various places...she simply asked why I had eaten so poorly the week before. It was the first time in the 2 months that we have been working out together that I heard disappointment in her voice. And it broke my heart.

The once forgotten lapse in judgment was now at the forefront of my mind, breaking my heart to know that those decisions cause the disappointment. Because of this, these mental and/or emotional blocks, today's workout was stressful for me. I was frustrated, quiet, and when asked what was on my mind...i refused to answer because I didn't want to lose the battle against the lump in my throat.

If you haven't noticed already, I'll tell you. I am sensative and emotional. I feel things deeply, things effect me harder. When I am upset or angry, I become quiet and withdrawn. These are neither positive or negative in and of themselves, but if left unchecked...can be either. I am reflective, but with that comes the tendancy to beat myself up over many things (which may or may not be my fault).

In short, I'm me: the good, bad and ugly. Working hard today to run with perserverance this race, and to throw off all that holds me down.